Tourists.

Six months ago I was one of them. Sporting my A&F fur coat and skinny dark denim jeans and slung Coach handbag with pride, I lead the pack of my brothers, cousins, mom, step-dad, aunts, uncles, grandma, grandpa (basically a huge cluster of family members) off our party bus and into Times Square, which I'll embarrassingly admit that I called Time Square until I realized that sounded funny and Googled it super quickly to realize my mistake. Sure enough I did damage control in the form of instantly editing all the captions on my mobile FB uploads. Yeaaah.... moving on.

Gawking at the ga-jillion plasma screens overhead, we dilly-dallied our way in rows 4-maybe-5-across up to the red stairs to take a group photo. My cousin and I sang Empire State of Mind as we made our way there (ahem, OK so maybe that part hasn't changed a whole lot. See: My singing talent).

After probably pissing off any stray Manhattanites who for some reason needed to be in Times Square at 11 p.m. on a Saturday, we made our way back to the party bus and traveled back through Greenwich (I knew it wasn't pronounced Green-witch thanks to A&F's failure brand Ruehl) and by Houston (OK, I said it like the city in Texas, not HOW-ston... dumb tourist).

So yeah, last January was something a little along these lines as LIFE Magazine so kindly points out for us naive of NY: http://www.life.com/image/102281799/in-gallery/45631/how-new-yorkers-can-spot-a-tourist

Yup. I couldn't describe it better myself. The bright-lights-blinded kid who hopped off that bus had no idea just how badly she stuck out (Actually... I'm lying, I mean I was walking in a pack with my rather really embarrassing family, but you know what I mean).

Fast forward. I've lived in NYC almost 3 months now, and let me tell you, I now see the screaming "I'M A TOURIST!" signs I portrayed back in January. What a difference moving here makes. Let me divulge:

Telltale touristy traps I'm guilty of:

• Whipping out the subway map. Well actually, I don't believe in maps, rather I believe in getting lost and figuring out my way -- Yes, in true New Yorker fashion! -- but I'll let my friends pull out their maps when my phone's Google map app (totally less conspicuous) isn't working.

• I'm guilty of sometimes calling the 1,2,3 the red line. Or the 4,5,6 the green. Or the ACE the blue. It's just easier. In my defense I've never been to Boston. And in STL we have ONE line: the Metrolink, which we tend to stay away from at all costs. It's just easier and I've never heard of this "rule" until now. But seeing as I will do anything to escape my Midwestern label (aside from losing my Cardinals and Anheuser-Busch pride) I guess I'll be sure to avoid calling 'em colors.

• I got stuck in a rotating turnstile chamber thing (or whatever the hell they're called) the first time I tried to push through. I conceited to being a new New Yorker and asked the MTA guy to let me through the emergency door. I never made that mistake again. As far as my swiping skills... well, they're getting better, but I swear I just always get jinxed cards. Really!

• I ordered a Cosmo. So sue me. I never had one before, and I like Carrie Bradshaw. There. I said it. If that makes me a tourist, so be it. But, honestly, I really would rather a beer.

Tourists traits I trash on and thus reasons why I belong here:

• I've never been much of a celeb stalker, and frankly after 3 months of interning at a magazine, I've come to realize celebrities are just like you & me, minus the privacy. It's kind of cool knowing that you aren't one of those psycho fans who creepily snap shots of stars strolling on the streets. You catch a glimpse, you smile and you text your bestie from back home. Then they text back how much they envy your life. In reality, you've actually got it better than the celebs. Fancy that.

• I've always known that Times Square was in Midtown. I think my east coast relatives were at least kind enough to explain that much to me at some point.

• I still haven't been to the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and many museums because of the sole fact that they are touristy and I'd way rather save money and do what "the locals" do.

• I've never liked slow walkers. I've been known to power drive the dawdlers walking along Maryland Ave. out of my way when I'm occassionally usually late to class. And big groups of dawdlers. Oh.My.God.Get.Out.Of.My.Way. Freshmen? Ugh. Tour groups? Ugh. Ugh. Times that by thousands of teetering tourists... Ugh. Ugh. UGH! New Yorkers run (literally!) on little patience, and it seems if I hadn't before, I certainly now have that attitude down pat.

• "Real New York-Style" food. I've done the famous stuff. The John's Pizzeria. The Ray's Famous slices. The Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs. The Little Italy dives. The Junior's cheesecake. The Magnolia cupcakes. What I've learned most? Sure, John's is the bomb. Nathan's famous is, well, famous. Magnolia's got great icing. Little Italy is sure cool. Junior's chocolate cheesecake is near orgasmic.
  
  But: Hole-in-the-wall pizza is cheaper and (sometimes) better, and if the place has no air conditioning it's probably got some of the best damn "Real New York" slices around. And: I don't care if it's not sanitary, street vendor hot dogs are always legit, and also like $2 cheaper. That adds up. And: For me, pasta is pasta. Little Italy is cool by all means, but really you just go there for the atmosphere. No one place really stands out, and I've had comparable dishes at the Olive Garden on Mid Rivers Mall Drive. And: No real New Yorker actually eats cheesecake. Are you kidding? Do you know the caloric intake of one of those slices? It's all about Pinkberry (#64 for sure. Check!) "It's totes the best hun-cal-fro-yo." (Tell me you know the video this alludes to please... if not, be ready to LOL at this YouTube vid Cosmo recently posted.) And: If real New Yorkers want a cupcake, chances are they're just popping into their local neighborhood bakery, not trekking to Greenwich or Midtown for one.
  
  That's the real deal when it comes to New York food.

• I've been to all 5 boroughs. (Ahem, #56. Check!) Queens was awesome. The Bronx was alright, then again it was daytime. Staten Island's South Beach was tolerable. Brooklyn will probably be my home at some point. Manhattan will always be my true love.

It's a shame really, because tourists only see the shiny exterior of what New York has to offer. They stay in their fancy hotels and above ground in cabs and never get to experience the true gems that really make New York, well, the best city in the world. Same goes for those who've been born and raised in the posh luxury apartments, who've shopped 5th Avenue like it was the local Wal-Mart all their lives.

Call me the weirdest person ever, but I love the little things like a humid day on the subway platform and my small one bed, one bath studio that houses me and my 3 roommates. I feel like these experiences are the staple of NYC. It's a city you have to work your way up in. And only those who make it from the ground up (16 floors up to be exact...) and can survive a less-than-desirable start in the city, can honestly one day value whatever is it that the city bequeaths, whether it be a shiny new pair of Manolos or strong sense of self and accomplishment. What do I hope it bequeaths to me?

Is it selfish to hope for both?

At least there's two things I know: At least I know that TIMES has an "S" on the end and yes, these bright lights really do inspire you. Tourist or not.